HER PAINS

The final rays of the sun were fading away and it was time for her to ease herself in her rocking chair. It had been a long and exhausting day. She sighed deeply while wiping out the sweat rolling down her face.

The setting sun took away the warmth and coziness with it. The cool breeze set in accompanied with the darkness which looked ghastly. Silence crept in slowly with the dying chirps.

Rocking back and forth in her chair, she tried hard to listen to her inner self in this grim silence. She tried to dive deeper in search of inner peace.

Years of pain and miseries had shattered her inner peace. Her trials gave no piece of consolation and now she stood all alone with no one to become the adhesive of her splintered life. Each day reminded her of her painful past. Every present moment was a piece of unpleasant memory. She stood up everyday with a new hope and vigor but retired to rest with broken spirit.

She had grown up to a strong person. The glistening eyes showed her true spirit, the tough hands showed her boldness and fearlessness while her sharp voice was like a thunder.

But her inner soul wept somewhere in the nooks. The pain was endless. The outer smile hid the inner pain. Beneath the tough hands, lay a fragile form that had been worn out due to the wounds of agony. Boldly she faced the world but lacked even a tinge of courage to wipe out her own pains. Her plumy cheeks and rosy skin showed her serenity but her inner enthusiasm seemed to ebb away. Gloom was the state of her inner self.

The clouds of self doubt hovered in her world. Her inability to conquer her pains made her distressed. She wanted to pull herself out from the abyss of hopelessness but was badly trapped in the quagmire of grief and shattered spirit. Her inner soul cried for help but was in vain. She was left all alone surrounded by the mist of anxiety, pain, suspicion, pain and timidity.

Her heart felt being tossed and turned by the tides of agony and she failed to stand firmly against them. The spirit faltered and tears fell. Her inability to overcome the pangs of life left her crippled forever.

A new day began and sun shined more brightly but she again wore the dress of self guilt and got ready to face the world with the so called courage.

DYING FANTASIES

Twilight has been a fascinating part for me since childhood. I used to run past the doors into the garden to watch the soft flowing light in the sky. The faint ruddy sky with a tinge of orange glow pacified my racing heart.

Today, I repeated my daily routine. I slowly walked into the garden area beautified with the lovely flowers. The scent of roses was scattered everywhere while pansies flaunted their beauty in the corner. The marigold with its thick and lush foliage seemed really pretty and the pink petunias made a lovely fence.

I sat down on the wooden chair to acknowledge the beauty of the sky and welcome the tiny littered stars.

Relaxing back in the chair, I recalled my childhood days when I would hop from one place to another and smell the lovely flowers. I used to jump and dance. I loved staying in the garden for hours and used to watch the plants growing. I remember sowing mango seed with my mother and the seed has grown up into a big lovely tree under whose shade I am sitting today. Those lovely childhood memories brought a broad smile on my face. They had filled that childhood vigor and zeal in me. I felt like to hop and dance. It seemed as if I was young again. This everyday routine made me feel youthful and active.

But soon, my joint pains made me realize that I was no more in the springtime of my life. They rather beckoned me telling that I had entered the dusk phase of my life. They told me that the youth and child inside me is getting faint and rather suggested me to welcome the old age.

The blooming flowers prompted me to feel the youth in me but the wrinkled hands showed me my reality. The swift butterflies made me feel like a child wanting to hop but my aching bones told me to accept the aging years. The tall plants made me sense the strength in me but the hunched shoulders gave me the signs of aging. The green leaves gave me a sensation of freshness and youthfulness but my pale face reminded me of the winter phase of my life.

The realities seemed really harsh to accept. Just as it gets cold with the arrival of night, so is the same cold in this truth.

However, the arrival of tiny shimmering stars in the sky increased its beauty manifold and this again pacified my pounding heart with the thought that beauty lies in every phase of life. The winter has its own charm and so has the old age. Death is as beautiful as life.

Thus, I accepted my truth with ease and retired to rest.

CLOUDED

When I entered my room after a very long time, I felt choked in its concentrated air. Today, I moved in after years of struggle and laborious work.

The creaky door reminded me of its ill conditions. The dusty windows restrained me from the outer landscape. The webs introduced me to the new denizens of my room. The air was damp and I could smell the unfamiliarity in the air. The dust had settled and frozen on the tiles.

I still comforted myself on the couch and tried to relax myself and my body that ached and reminded me of the tiresome journey. But the suffocating air didn't let me sleep. I wanted to  run away into the open lands under the clear sky. I wanted to feel the lovely green grass and smell the lovely roses. 

But I felt chained in my own room.

The conditions of my room forced me to make a parallel between my mind and this old, dusty room.

The mist of doubt had clogged my mind.  The webs of uncertainty had become  the new members. The dust of dilemma had settled in my subconscious. The dusty panes prevented the the seeds of clear thoughts to germinate. The years of struggle  I went through questioned me like ghastly spirits and asked me whether it was all worthy. Numerous questions kept flooding and clogging my mind. I couldn't see the open lands. My thoughts surrounded me. I dived deeper into the vast ocean with the uncertainty of ever finding the shore.

And then, I fell asleep with a faint hope of sun rays reaching the ocean beds prompting me to come over the surface giving way to vivid and bright view.